I am trying something new with this blog–using women’s words from The Working Woman’s Pregnancy Book to generate a discussion of some aspect of pregnancy, birth, or working. Here’s entry number one.
Page 365: “I pushed for two hours and then had to have a cesarean. I was frustrated with myself. I am kind of a competitive person, and I was frustrated that other people had easier experiences.” (Sherri M. sales rep).
Sherri M. had an unexpected cesarean, which occurs more than most parents-to-be expect. Clearly she feels she failed in some way, even though she doesn’t exactly say that. Rare? No!
I have spent a lot of time talking to women struggling to come to terms with the events of labor and birth. Even when we know it is unpredictable, we often come to childbirth with ideals. Some women seek out the most natural, spontaneous, intense peak experience; others just hope they don’t suffer too much and the baby is OK. Most people want to feel cared for, and want to enjoy their new baby. Some women are very aware of their desires and spend a lot of energy preparing to meet their goals, while others pretty much hand themselves over to the hospital team and hope for the best.
I have mixed feelings about the whole concept of having “goals” for the birth process. On one hand, it is pretty difficult to have a natural experience in the hospital without really preparing for it–taking classes so you understand the birth process and gain coping skills; bringing labor coaches who can help you get through; and being psychologically prepared for a challenge. Yet if you prepare hard, you are likely to feel disappointed or a failure if things become medical, which they sometimes do. On the other hand, if you plan to just go with the flow and you aren’t attached to the experience, the normal process in the hospital is quite medical, and the incidence of cesarean is (in my opinion) very high. There is nothing wrong with a cesarean that is necessary, but it is hard to believe that we need to do quite this many. So I struggle with how to help people prepare (which I think does help to make things go well) without setting themselves up for disappointment or feelings of failure if they don’t “succeed.” I’d love to hear how other coaches deal with this issue…
3 responses so far ↓
1 g // Apr 7, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I think you have well detailed how women want to feel at delivery. Unfortuantely, no matter what the coach does, some women may still feel “robbed” of some part of the birth experience. It’s hard to ask a doctor to be a cheerleader, especially when performing the surgery can be exhausting itself, but it helps if they can.
I altogether tried to avoid going to the hospital during the 24 hours when a particular doctor was on call because I knew that I would end up having a cesarean. It wasn’t wise, but you just don’t think in those terms. Thankfully, I made it to the hospital in time and delivered (by cesarean) my beautiful daughter. But, I was very very disappointed.
Had the doctor acted more like she would have during a vaginal birth, I think I would have a better feeling about it. Sincere and encouraging words go a long way. I can’t say enough how words like “You really did an amazing job,” can cure a lot. Take as much of the “medical” part out of the situation as possible, at least once the critical medical moments are over.
2 Marjorie Greenfield // Apr 7, 2008 at 8:10 pm
You are right–the atmosphere during a cesarean can be excited (like a birth should be) or it can be totally technical and detached. It is nice when even a cesarean can feel “family centered” but you are also right that the obstetrician is multi-tasking at that point and may not be able to relate on that level. This is a good reminder to all the professionals involved about the importance of what we say and how we say it!
3 veburke // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:00 pm
I agree with “g” that how your ob/gyn handles you as a patient makes a total difference in your experience. Trying for a natural birth with my first child, my husband & I were devastated to learn during labor that my baby was frank breech and a c-section was required. Because my ob/gyn knew what kind of experience we wanted, she took total control of the hospital staff and truly made the best of the situation - my husband did not leave my side at all during the surgery, even when they inserted the spinal (which I am told is a point during which usually only medical staff are permitted to witness). Before she began the surgery she asked me where my husband should be, with me or the baby, and after she delivered my daughter the nurses were hounding my husband and she told them that I’d asked him to stay with me until the surgery was complete. She even took our camera and took pictures for us! Although the c-section was a disappointment to us, she gave us as much control as she could, and truly knew us enough as her clients to know how to deal with the situation.
Fortunately I went to have 2 unmedicated VBACS which were wonderful experiences, albeit different. My first VBAC I was lucky enough for my ob/gyn (different doctor, same medical group) to allow me to pull my baby on my chest - truly the most amazing experience of my life. I also was the one to “call” the sex of the baby.
My second VBAC was also amazing, but my husband & I forgot to remind my ob/gyn (we had our original ob/gyn again this time around) the importance for me to “call” the sex of the baby and to be the first to touch her - my ob/gyn held her and declared her sex to us which was a bit of a shock, but again we reiterate our wishes but she was definitely supportive to my desire for an unmedicated birth.
One final comment - I think that women are lead to believe that babies are born quickly. I was in labor ~10 hours before my VBAC, ~18 hours with my second, and ~36+ hours with my 3rd, and I wouldn’t trade those labor hours for anything in the world. I am not in the medical field but based on what my birth teachers and a little internet research I did for VBACS I feel that women need to be educated that labor can and will take 24 hours - not to expect to go in at 8am and have a baby by dinner time.
Thanks.
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