When we were doing the interviews for The Working Woman’s Pregnancy Book lots of moms told us stories and gave advice on the subject of telling work that you are going to have a baby. Today I am going to write on the decision about when to tell work. In a future post I’ll write about how different moms did it, and how it worked out for them. But first, when to take on the task.

Here are factors that moms said played a role in chosing early disclosure at work:

• Not wanting to hide something from their boss and coworkers/friends at work
• Having obvious evidence that they were pregnant, like vomiting every day, or bursting out of their clothes
• Requiring accommodations at work early in the pregnancy, because of symptoms or complications
• Needing to plan well in advance for maternity leave
• Bursting with excitement and not being able to wait to share the news
• Not wanting the boss to hear about the pregnancy indirectly

But here are the factors that led moms to try to hide the pregnancy for as long as they could:

• Worrying that they would not be treated the same once the pregnancy was public–in promotions, job assignments, or just socially in the workplace
• Wanting privacy–hoping to get through the first trimester risk of miscarriage or past any genetic testing (with possible termination of the pregnancy) before sharing the news
• Fearing what the reaction might be

So how do you figure out when to tell? Obviously it is a personal decision based on your own work environment, relationships,  personal beliefs, and pregnancy experience. While some moms that we interviewed said they were relieved to share the news and that they got support once they disclosed their “condition”, others did feel that it affected how they were treated and the assignments that they got. My best advice is to look at how pregnancy has gone for other women in your workplace, and combine that with how your pregnancy is going and what feels right to you. And don’t stress over this too much–because they are clearly going to find out at some time–it is just a decision about when!

I just did such a fun interview about pregnancy and work for a writer for the Schenectady (NY) Daily Gazette. For those who live in that area, it will come out Sunday July 6. Joann McFadden, the writer, asked me open-ended questions, so I got to talk about all my favorite topics–timely too because I have to prepare a short talk on this subject for my book signing at Joseph Beth Booksellers this Thursday.

So what are the issues related to pregnancy and work? These are the topics that people keep asking me about–

• Pregnancy symptoms in the workplace
• When to tell work that you are pregnant
• How to tell your boss, and what to expect
• Occupational risks and toxic exposures
• Maternity leave laws and policies
• Returning to work after maternity leave
• Breastfeeding and working
• That balancing thing

Over the next few weeks I hope to write a little about each of these topics.

Today let’s talk about pregnancy symptoms.  In researching The Working Woman’s Pregnancy Book, some moms told me that it was harder to work in the first trimester than it was when they were in their ninth month. Early pregnancy fatigue and (for the unlucky 70% of women who experience this) nausea and/or vomiting can make working quite a challenge–particularly if you don’t want to tell everyone yet that you are pregnant.

Here are some suggestions that I got through my interviews and published in my book:

For fatigue

• Take a power nap at your desk for 15 minutes when you get tired
• Take a brisk walk when you get sleepy
• Bring a power bar or other healthy snack to eat as you start to fade
• If your job is flexible, consider going home for a nap in the afternoon and working at home in the evening

For relief of (or at least less consipicuous) nausea and vomiting

• Bring snacks like crackers or dry cereal or whatever works for you to settle your stomach
• Combine bathroom trips with other expected activities, like going to the copy machine or mail room
• Sit near the door at meetings so your coming and going isn’t so conspicuous
• Consider telling one close coworker so you can get some support
• Some moms told me that they had to tell work earlier than they planned because it was just too obvious that they were pregnant, or because their performance was so affected by their pregnancy symptoms
• Take a vacation or medical leave for a few weeks if necessary
• Check out the early pregnancy relief kit on page 74 of The Working Woman’s Pregnancy Book for more ideas

I don’t want to sound like pregnancy is always awful! Many moms-to-be feel pretty good, and function just fine on the job for the whole nine months. These suggestions won’t be needed by everyone. But planning ahead for how to manage (and knowing that lots of moms have survived this before you) can be helpful if you are having a hard time. I’d love to hear what you would add to these lists!

In my next post I’ll tell you what I have learned about “when to tell the boss” and invite you to tell me your stories.

The Working Woman’s Pregnancy Book was profiled Tuesday on WEWS. View the video here.

I will have a book signing on Thursday, June 12, at 7 PM at Joseph-Beth Booksellers in Lyndhurst, Ohio. Pass the flyer along! You can download it here.

Here’s where I’ll be:

View Larger Map

I have been corresponding with a woman in Frederick, Maryland, who started a non-profit bringing gift baskets to moms as they get back to work. Whether they return at 6 weeks or 2 years, she brings them their basket and talks to them at their workplace. She says that she started this because of how difficult she found it to get back to work. She wanted some recognition of the transition.

This is what she wrote to me:

My goal is to incorporate as a 501(c)3 to accept monetary contributions and expand the scope of the project. I also hope to work with a board of directors that can bring greater business perspective to the project. I see the Gift Packs as a perk that employers can offer to new or returning employees but have not yet figured out how to appeal to the Human Resources departments of local employers.

I have distributed just over 40 Gift Packs to women who have heard about the project through word of mouth. Gift Packs are always different and I make every effort to customize them to the needs to each recipient. I (provide) Medela information and samples if a mom is breastfeeding and pumping in the workplace and the menu from a local gourmet chef that delivers precooked family dinners. Other information in the Gift Packs has included information and coupons from a local personal trainer who specializes in helping women return to their pre-pregnancy weight and form, recipe cards from the cookbook, Glorious One-Pot Meals, sample lists from ListPlanIt.com aimed to help busy moms organize their day, and a resource guide printed locally that features daycares, camps, and activities for families.

One other goal I have for the project would be to develop some element of community for the moms who participate. Stay at home moms often have a strong network of support in each other. I have found that working moms go to work and are not able to talk about their families until 5:00; we have to choose if we are a mom or a career woman at the expense of our other identity. I would love to develop an online discussion forum or a calendar of “business lunches” and Mom’s Nights Out for women to get together and share in the issues and solutions to life’s difficulties as a working mom.

I think this is a terrific idea that would help moms adjust, and should appeal to employers who hope to ease the transition back to on-the-job productivity. For more on the Return to Work Project, check out this blog. You can email Amy at flexibleworkforce@gmail.com.

You will get to see the piece about birth plans on Good Morning America weekend edition, but as of yesterday it was not scheduled to be shown this weekend. I will write a post as soon as I know a (tentative) date. Sorry for any inconvenience!

From 19 Action News in Cleveland:

New Study Suggests Pregnant Women’s Diet Could Determine Pink Or Blue Booties It’s the biggest mystery for moms-to-be - will it be a boy or a girl?Now, a new study says that question can be answered by the foods you eat! 19 Action News Reporter Brian Duffy finds out - does a women’s diet really determine if she’s having a boy or girl?